There are vampire fish falling from the sky in Alaska
(USA Today) – Everyone knows that the ocean is full of evil, so most people have taken steps to ensure they never come near the water. However, the diabolical ocean life has countered our precautions and is now attacking from the sky. According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, residents of Fairbanks have been reporting flying murder fish falling from the sky and landing in local shopping centers.
via the ADFG Facebook page:
The local Value Village store found a live lamprey in their parking lot and placed it in a bucket of water. Another resident called and said he found one on his lawn! 4 lamprey were found on land so far. How is this happening?
We know exactly what is happening. Aquatic sorcery and genetic mutation. Anyone who has read a Harry Potter book or seen an X-Men movie knew this was a possibility, but we have done nothing to defend ourselves. Now, there are live and flying lampreys falling from the sky.
Speaking of lampreys, what are lampreys?
Lampreys are long, eel-like nightmare fuel that grows to be about a foot long. They are equipped with a circular shaped mouth that will attach to other fish, and using their sharp teeth and tongues (yes, PLURAL TONGUES), will suck blood and fluids from its prey.
So how did this ocean terror learn about flying? The ADFG believes gulls are picking the bloodthirsty vampire fish out of the river and then dropping them while flying, presumably after they realized they’ve captured a rejected monster from a Guillermo del Toro film.Yes, we’ve just described a vampire fish that is flying around Alaska.
Terrifying “vampire fish” are raining down on Alaskans
(Quartz.com) – Look out below, Alaska. Fang-mawed, foot-long fish have been falling from the skies above the town of Fairbanks. So far, residents have found four of these eel-like sea creatures on a front lawn, a Value Village parking lot, and other random places—all far from any water.
The creature in question is actually an Arctic lamprey, a jawless marine fish that sucks the blood and “body juices” (pdf) of other fish. The key to this gory diet lies in its plunger-like “mouthpart,” as biologists call it, the mouth and tongue of which are lined with dozens of sharp yellow teeth. The mouthpart’s shape allows it to clamp onto fish—salmon, for instance, or sharks. It then uses its teeth and “tongue teeth” to slice and scrape its victim’s flesh until it draws its bloody meal.
Though Alaska authorities aren’t totally sure what’s going on, they have a solid working theory. Hungry gulls are likely scooping adult lampreys—which have returned to a nearby river to spawn—and then dropping them when the squirmy fish prove too unwieldy to fly with, according tothe Alaska fish and game department.
Each year, Arctic lampreys—which are native to Alaska—return from the ocean to lay their eggs in freshwater, much like salmon do. Hatchlings grow in riverbank mud until adulthood, whereupon they swim out to sea, returning a few years later to freshwater to spawn and die.
It’s actually pretty amazing; arctic lampreys can swim nearly 2,000 miles upstream. And since their annual migration takes place in winter, often under three feet of ice, as Erik Anderson, of the Alaska department of fish and game, wrote in a 2007 article.
As it happens, Fairbanks’ light lamprey drizzle isn’t as unusual as it might sound. A similar shower fell on Limerick City, Ireland recently, Earth Touch News reports. One particularly ambitious lamprey was found latched onto this car.